


Dust in the Wind

by Tripmatt



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut, Shenko - Freeform, The Final Push
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:24:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tripmatt/pseuds/Tripmatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Kaidan was stubborn enough to run with Shepard to the beam during the final push?</p><p>I close my eyes<br/>only for a moment<br/>and the moments gone</p><p>Angst everywhere :/</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dust in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this tired and sad. Not a good combination. I hope it at least turns out mildly comprehensible and I am deeply sorry for all grammar mistakes.

 

               “So uh… what’s the Vancouver bay like?” Shepard asked sitting next to Kaidan, making small talk. The shuttle was bouncing weary tired soldiers, making its way to no man’s land in central London. He traced his fingers over Kaidan’s. Kaidan looked up from the floor and gave a weak smile to Shepard.

               “An endless sea-beautiful in every season. I’d love to see it with you sometime,” Kaidan whispered. Shepard responded by nuzzling his face in between Kaidan’s shoulder and tangling their fingers together. Shepard lifted his hand bringing it to his lips, “Tell me what it will be like, K.”

               Kaidan smirked looking back on the ground, sadness painted in his eyes. “Two Canadian Lagers, and maybe a couple Coronas, I know how much you like your Mexican beer,” he chuckled, “We will go in the winter, or maybe the fall… some time when we can see our breath in the air and have an excuse to wear Mom’s homemade sweaters.”

               “I’d like that,” Shepard said, closing his eyes and placing his cheek on Kaidan’s shoulder, “Go on.”

               “We’ll walk down to the beach, shivering as the water brushes against our ankles. The sun would be going down, painting the water and the sky a beautiful orange and blue. I’ll grip your hand tightly, and when it gets too cold we will hold each other, wrapping our sweaters around each other,” Kaidan’s breath hitched, “And I promise I’ll never let go.”

               Shepard squeezed Kaidan’s hand reassuringly, “and after?”

               “When we get too cold, and the sun has gone down… we’ll make our way to my house, wrapped in each other’s arms. When we make it inside I’ll have a fireplace going, and we’ll make hot chocolate or something-“

               “ETA One minute, get ready for a quick drop off,” A hoarse and loud voice said interrupting Kaidan. Shepard lifted his head up, slinging the Sniper off from his back as he got up. Kaidan followed standing behind Shepard preparing to use his biotics. Before the door opened Shepard turned to Kaidan and whispered in his ear, “I’d love to hear the rest.”

               Shepard squeezed Kaidan’s hand. The door slid open, dust escaping into the air and a dark atmosphere crowded around them as shots fired over their heads.

               Running

               Taking Cover

               Shouting

               Crying

               Bleeding

               Shepard could hear Kaidan’s heavy breathing, using his biotics to fight off two Brutes blocking their path in an alleyway. In most circumstances he would be focused on the way he moved in the field, perplexed by his muscles and hypnotized by his methods. Now all he wanted to do was see him in that handmade sweater carrying hot chocolate to them next to a fireplace.

_Something to fight for. Something to live for._

His mind snapped back to reality when he saw the last brute ready to charge Kaidan, it got closer within seconds. Shepard took a deep breath behind cover.

               10 meters

               6 meters

               _Deep breath_

4 Meters

               1 Meter

               _Head-Shot_

The crackle of his Black Widow echoed around the roar of the dying brute. Kaidan stunned, stood there motionless before being knocked out of the way by a hasty Liara. The brute came down swinging where Kaidan was standing.

               A couple moments passed before the silence settled in. The room was empty and silent where the brutes had broken through the wall. The squad took a couple moments to gain composure.

               “I’m so sorry Shepard… Liara. Thank you, I guess my head just isn’t-isn’t here at the moment,” Kaidan said through the silence.

               “It’s fine Kaidan,” Liara responded quickly getting ready to head through the next door leading to the next wave of enemies, “Just try and focus.”

               Kaidan nodded and took cover by the door, Liara on the other side, guns held ready to shoot anything that moves. Shepard brushed his hand on Kaidan’s shoulder before opening the door.

               Cannibals, Marauders, Brutes, Banshees, and Shepard’s least favorite, husks, the shallow remains of the civilians that used to live here. Slicing through each one that got to close with his Omni-Blade and Sniping the one’s that got too close to his squad mates.

               Wave after wave with one objective on their minds.

               _Defend Missile Battery_

Shepard tasted Blood, moving from barrier to barrier, avoiding the oncoming targets. As the reaper started firing its beam at them; exploding all cover; Shepard, Liara, and Kaidan took refuge in a nearby shop. Three Banshees made their way across the rubble, slowly searching for their prey. Kaidan stood with his back against a police call box, hiding. Liara, doing the same, slouched under a thick concrete block and Shepard next to her. A couple explosions were heard in the distance. Kaidan peered his head slightly around the corner. He counted four menacing brutes making their way across the rubble along with a couple more Banshees in search for the three survivors. The squad noticed that their silence had the reapers lose sight of them.

               Liara looked with wide eyes to Shepard.

               _This might be it. This could be their last moments._

Shepard slowly and silently moved around the block and made his way over to the back of the police call box and next to Kaidan. The enemy was getting dangerously close, they wouldn’t make it, not being cornered like that. His tactical cloak kept him hidden as he stood next to Kaidan and put his invisible lips on his lover’s. Kaidan’s eyes grew, startled, but eventually leaned into the kiss.

               “ _I love you,”_ Shepard breathed against his lips. Then the warmth was gone and Kaidan was alone. His heart rate increased at the sudden absence and suddenly he realized a Banshee was right around the corner of the Police Box, hissing and breathing in a low dark tone.

               Kaidan closed his eyes, tears escaping.

               _This is it. This is their last moment._

“I’M OVER HERE YOU BIG STUPID GLOWING REAPER ASSHOLES,” shouted a voice from the other side of the battlefield. Kaidan’s breath hitched as he noticed the army of Banshees and Brutes let out a fury of noises, both screams and roars, echoing across the streets. They made their way quickly to the exposed vulnerable Commander.

               “No,” Kaidan said under his breath, trying to hold back his emotions.

               His omni-tool lit up, Shepard’s voice frantic and loud over the speaker, “Kaidan the missiles are ready, the Reaper is close. I need you and Liara to fire the missiles, I’ll hold off these fuckers.”

               “-but Shepard-“

               “NOT NOW KAIDAN,” The Commander shouted, “Look… I love you, okay?”

               “I love you too,” Kaidan murmered as the connection cut off. Right before it ended he heard the loud grunt of Shepard and a Brute’s roar way to close to Shepard’s signal for comfort.

               Liara took Kaidan’s arm and they both ran through the dust and rubble to the car on the opposite side of the street. To many things were in the way for Kaidan to see what was going on, but the sight of the tall Banshee’s and Brutes crowded over one area made both of their hearts sink. Liara pushed the commands on the console while Kaidan called up Anderson.

               “We are firing the missiles now. Get an evac shuttle ready, waves of strong forces are pouring out of the sky. We can’t hold them much longer!” Kaidan exclaimed.

               “We are sending out a shuttle now, and Shepard?” Anderson asked, out of breath on the other end of the call.

               “I can’t answer that right now!” Kaidan growled, getting disconnected from the comm. The Reaper above them lit up as fire spread throughout its body. Kaidan snuck a glance at Liara who was already looking at him, smiling softly. A small beam of hope glimmered through her eyes.

               Moments later a shuttle dropped near their location, soldiers opening the door waving for them to board quickly. Liara and Kaidan ran to the shuttle, Kaidan peering around to try and find Shepard. Liara boarded and held out her hand to Kaidan, who refused to take it.

               “I’m not leaving without Shepard,” he demanded. Sweat making fallen strands of hair stick to his forehead. The soldiers, Anderson, and even Liara became more and more aggravated gesturing for Kaidan to board but eventually began getting ready to leave him behind.

               “We need to go Major!” shouted Anderson.

               He started feeling a migraine coming on. Soon his world became dazed proceeded by a strong feeling asking himself if he was alive anymore and this was really reality.

“YOU STUBBORN BRAT,” a voice growled from behind him. A strong hand gripped him from behind and pulled him onto the shuttle.

               Kaidan began to panic as the shuttle lifted off, “NO!” He screamed snapping back to the cold reality, maneuvering his body to the exit. He began to shake flailing his arms to the door. The familiar sound of a cloak fizzing away echoed in the shuttle. Shepard grabbed him and braced him in his arms. A familiar and warm voice whispered in his ear, “its okay K, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

               Kaidan’s breathing was still frantic but he buried his face in Shepard’s neck and breathed in his scent. Shepard felt streaks of water compile on his skin where Kaidan’s eyelashes were. Shepard pecked Kaidan’s ear and ran his fingers through his hair.

               None of the soldiers said anything as the shuttle made its way to the beam.

               Shepard held Kaidan with his mouth still next to his ear. He began to solace him with whispers, “After we drink that wonderful hot chocolate of yours, I say we should lay next to each other by the fire. I’ll hold you from behind while I run my fingers through your hair and we’ll stay there for moments that seem like years because all we need is each other,” Shepard paused taking in a deep breath, “And we’ll be there for each other. Always.”

               Kaidan’s breathing steadied as Shepard continued running his hand through his hair.

               They stood there in silence. Kaidan wasn’t the only one crying, other soldiers sitting down held their faces in their palms drowning out their surroundings and freeing their emotions in quiet. Other soldiers just stared into the abyss and took in their situation slowly.

               “We have to drop you off here!” the pilot shouted. “Reaper dropping behind the beam, and we are a target in mid-air!”

               The shuttle landed harshly in the rubble and jolted the soldiers to attention.

               As the door opened Shepard shouted to the soldiers behind him, “Run to the beam!”

               They made their way across the remnants of London as a red glare came from the Reaper.

               “RUN!” Shepard shouted at the top of his lungs. He glanced around. Liara was following closely behind, Kaidan in front, and Anderson to his left.

               _We can do this_.

               A beam shot in front of Kaidan flipping a car in his direction. Shepard reacted with natural reflexes and pushed him out of the way and both took cover behind the car. Anderson ran past them but Liara stopped to check, ducking another beam heading her way.

               “Are you okay?” Shepard whispered in Kaidan’s ear. Kaidan nodded holding tightly onto Shepard.

_And I promise I’ll never let go._

               Shepard acted quickly to call Joker, “Normandy we need an Evac!” Blood dripped from a couple crevices where he took hit on a soft spot on his armor. He used his omni-tool to disperse medi-gel through his armor and through Kaidan and Liara’s. He needed the little bit of extra strength to run the grand finale.

               “We are taking heavy losses Commander,” Joker said through the other end. The beam could be heard crushing tanks and planes like it was nothing.

               Moments later the Normandy flew within sight and landed meters away from the squad. Shepard hauled Kaidan to his feet and dragged him to the ship. Kaidan hesitated before boarding, while Liara was already on trying to guide Kaidan in.

               “Shepard!” Kaidan yelled, face twisted in pain.

               “You’ve got to get out of here,” Shepard commanded taking his last step off the Normandy.

               “Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” Kaidan retaliated, eyes filled with anguish, the light from the beam illuminating his face, accentuating his emotions.

               “Don’t argue with me Kaidan,” Shepard growled.

               “Don’t leave me behind,” Kaidan said almost as a whisper, desperation growing on his voice.

               “No matter what happens, know that I love you,” Shepard said making his way back to Kaidan, “Always.”

               Kaidan’s breath hitched as Shepard put his hand on the side of his face. A shutter ran down the Major’s spine as he felt a smear of blood, not knowing if it was from Shepard’s hand or Kaidan’s face.

               “I love you too,” he managed, holding back tears, “be careful.”

               “Go!” Shepard shouted, taking one last look at Kaidan before running in the other direction.

               _And we’ll be there for each other. Always._

Kaidan pushed Liara off him gentle enough not to have her fall over. Without thinking twice, before the Normandy made its way to the sky, Kaidan leapt out and landed on the ground.

               He didn’t look behind him but rather let the Adrenaline pump through his legs, even though he was sure he pulled or ripped a muscle he kept on running. It was the sight of Shepard in front of him that pushed him forward and the singe of the hot read beam coming dangerously close to his body.

               Before he knew it he was trailing Shepard close behind him. He pushed a little harder and ran faster than he’d ever run in his entire life, eventually catching up to Shepard. Shepard caught a glimpse of his beaten black armor and a feeling of terror overclouded him.

               _YOU STUBBORN BRAT_

In a single moment white dispersed around Shepard, and a heavy body wrapped around him and flung him across the ground. A burning heat overcame him and darkness moved past his eyelids.

..:..

_“God, they’re all gone.”_

_“Did we get anyone to the beam?”_

_“Negative our entire forces were decimated.”_

_Vision slowly came back, a string of bright lights attached to a giant metal machine lifted from his sight disappearing into the sky._

_“It’s too much! We need to regroup, we’re never gonna make it!”_

The haze started clearing; he started gaining movement back in his limbs.

A man lay on top of him, pressing him down to the ground, constricting his breathing. He reached up to run his hand through the other man’s hair.

“Kaidan…” Shepard said, pushing him closer, still in a daze.

“Kaidan I can’t mo-“ he went to check Kaidan’s breathing. He couldn’t tell if he was alive or not. Shepard gathered his surrounding using all of his energy to push Kaidan off of him. He knelt down by his side, tangled his fingers through the Major’s and held him in his arms. Kaidan’s eyes were wide open and silent, his armor singed to an ash black, and both were covered in blood. Much to Shepard’s horror-most blood was Kaidan’s.

“Oh please-Kaidan-Oh please… no,” Shepard whispered, breaking out into soft sobs. He brought his forehead up to Kaidan’s and brushed his lips to the other mans, “Dammit Kaidan! You should’ve left! You should of gotten out of here!” Shepard cried into the other man’s mouth.

               “Yeah… th-that wasn’t g-g-gonna happen,” Kaidan breathed against Shepard’s mouth sputtering blood. Shepard took in the brief moment of happiness and pulled the other man in for a long droning kiss. Neither of them felt it through the shock, the nerve damage, or the blood, but it was the moment that counted.

               Shepard help Kaidan to his knees, noticing one leg of his completely limp and unable to move. He maneuvered him to the beam, taking his time. Kaidan had taken most of the damage, which left Shepard more capable and filled with Adrenaline then he could’ve been in the same situation without Kaidan.

               Kaidan muttered, trying steady his voice, “H-h-husks”

               Shepard looked to the direction where Kaidan nudged his arm. Three husks made their way past the rubble, hunger deafening their eyes.

               Shepard took a steady breath, glanced at the shots in his pistol, and took a deep breath.

               9 meters

               8 meters

               _Headshot_

               8 meters

               _Headshot_

               9 meters

               8 meters

               7 meters

               _Headshot_

               Shepard tripped over another soldier’s corpse not paying attention to where he was going. Kaidan braced his one working leg and helped Shepard keep his balance steady.

               Almost there.

               Shepard took another deep breath as an enemy rounded the corner, a marauder, and shot it quickly behind the eyes twice, silencing the unnatural clicks and growls that emerged from its throat.

               _Almost there._

Shepard and Kaidan stopped briefly at the edge of the beam. Kaidan took a deep breath and tightened his grip around Shepard’s shoulder.

               “Ready?” Shepard whispered into Kaidan’s ear.

               Kaidan, eyes half shut, struggling to keep them open, “Always.”

               Shepard lifted his foot into the beam, effectively dragging them up into the atmosphere. A cool, peaceful white light descended around them and enveloped them as they felt themselves pick up speed.

               “This must be like what it feels for Angels to fly,” Kaidan muttered into Shepard’s shoulder silently. Shepard gripped Kaidan tightly as speed got faster by the second, holding Kaidan to his chest, arms wrapped around back, pushing his head toward his heartbeat.

               Shepard closed his eyes and breathed in the energy around him, breathing in Kaidan. It did feel like they were Angels, ascending to heaven.

               The white faded as their bodies stopped ascending and began to fall. Shepard’s eye’s shot open, staring at the ceiling of a red hallway. His back hit the ground with a large crash and he could hear something snap. He pretended nothing happened and tried to keep composure for Kaidan. Kaidan’s eyes were closed, breathing slowly, deathly silent. Shepard ran his fingers through Kaidan’s hair and pushed him up to his lips.

               “Come on Kaidan-open your eyes. We are almost there. We need to stop the reapers.”

               Kaidan gave a low a weak shudder of breath to indicate he was conscious.

               Shepard dragged him to his feet, feeling that sharp pain in his ribs. Kaidan kept his eyes closed and buried his face into Shepard’s shoulder as Shepard dragged him through the long hallway.

               There was nothing but a cold dead silence.

               “Come on Kaidan- we can do this. Just a little further.”

               The wall shifted in front of them releasing a blinding light. Shepard lifted his free arm to shield the light from his face. He trudged down a metallic panel aweing at the moving metallic fixtures and bolts of static electricity.

               Kaidan’s grip loosened a bit on Shepard, his eyes still sealed shut.

               “Kaidan-we’re almost there. You should see this, it’s incredible.”

               A quiet desperate groan came from Kaidan’s mouth, “g-go on withou-“

               “-Never” Shepard interrupted making his way up the metal hallway still gripping Kaidan as tight as he can.

               A deep breath erupted from Kaidan as he struggled to hold on. His grip tightened but his eyes remained shut, the blood on his body and his face still fresh. Shepard approached the top, a beautiful array of orange lights painting the massive, distant walls of the citadel.

The view was corrupted as Shepard noticed a blood smeared floor with two familiar figures lying adjacent to each other.

Anderson had his gun pulled out and blood spilled from the Illusive Man’s head and spread across the ground.

“A-Anderson?” Shepard called. No answer.

Shepard hid his face in Kaidan’s hair and let out a long and desperate sigh. He held in his tears, only to avoid making Kaidan’s condition worse.

He dragged the man to the opposite end of the room where a control panel was set up. His eyelids starting to fall from the blood loss.

“K-Kaidan-I have to set you down.” He maneuvered Kaidan off of him, who was mostly unresponsive, other than the short small breaths and slow movements of his chest. He sat him up on a small ledge near the center of the room. Shepard stumbled to the control panel and hurriedly mashed a few buttons with his bloodied fingers.

Moments went by, a terrifying silence, then a mechanical noise erupted deep from within the Citadel.

A thin strip of light emerges from the room, only to grow into a breathtaking view of their world. The sun surfacing from the horizon as the arms opened.

Shepard stumbled back, landing next to Kaidan. He peered over at Kaidan who managed to get his eyes open.

“Th-There aren’t enough moments like this,” Kaidan whispered, a raspy sound in his voice, “With people I care about.”

Shepard wrapped his arms around his shoulder, “how are you feeling these days?”

Kaidan buried his head into Shepard’s shoulder. He mumbled softly, his warm breath cascading off Shepard’s neck, “feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me. And glad I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax.”

Shepard chuckled lightly, trying his hardest not to cough up blood of his own, “Yeah, I think it’s a good time for us to have a heart to heart. What are you drinking?”

Kaidan held back a small laugh, knowing if he pushes to hard he’ll be drowning in blood, “If you’re trying to butter me up it might take a nice steak sandwich too.”

Shepard laughed for him, pushing him closer. Kaidan continued despite the rise of blood building up in his lungs and throat.

“I’d like to drink more than a few beers- h-here… with you. Yeah… B-beautiful view.”

Kaidan took a deep breath, only to catch blood in his mouth, and cough it up, spilling over his chin, and onto Shepard. He gathered a couple breaths before opening his mouth to speak, “You never told me what’s going to happen after we spend those moments huddled together by the fireplace.”

Tears streamed down Shepard’s face, shuddering as he takes a deep breath in.

“I’ll kiss you goodnight and promise I’ll be there for you… _always_.”

“I’d like that,” Kaidan says with barely a whisper. He breathes in, holds his breath, and never breaths back out.

Shepard buries his nose in Kaidan’s hair, tears streaming down his face. He cradles Kaidan’s head with both of his hands and plants a small and gentle kiss on his lips.

 

 

 

 

_“Shepard, Commander”_

“I-ah-What do you need my to do?”

_“Nothing’s happening. The crucible is not firing. It’s got to be something on your end.”_


End file.
